Abendlied
by MarryEllenJunior
Summary: Erwin is Corporal in Stalingrad during the second world war. As the Russians attack he is sure to die. Well, instead he gets "saved" by a Russian Officer who is no one else than his former, jewish friend Levi...Rated M. Slightly Erwin x Levi.
1. Schlof mai fegele

_Schlof mein Fegele_

_(The title is yiddish and it means: sleep my bird, it is a lullaby)_

_Good night guys, this morning was especially cold and I remember my grandmother who was Russian, how she always told me of this deadness in Russia. _

_They speak german in this story but just sometimes and I wrote the translation underneath._

_English is not my mothertongue, so please tell me all the bloody mistakes I have in this story ^^_

_A little bit ErwinxLevi_

_Hope you like it. _

_ATTENTION: IT DEALS WITH WORLD WAR 2 AND THE SHOAH_

_SO PLEASE BE CAREFUL WHILE READING_

* * *

"_Wir muessen los, Levi. Der Zug kommt in einer Stunde."_

(_We have to go Levi. The train will soon arrive.)_

Erwin shakes his head. Why does he now remember this day? He sighs deeply and puts his sheet tight around him. Russia is too cold. How can anyone live here? His feet are numb and he is sure he lost again a toe. He bites his lips to at least feel something and is not really surprised as he doesn't feel anything. It is too cold to feel anything.

"Kommandant (Commander)?," he looks up to see Armin's worried face his cheeks burned from the snow. Poor boy, he thinks. You will die too early here. He nods at the young soldier.

"Soll ich die Wache uebernehmen? Sie sehen muede aus."

(Shall we change the guard? You seem tired, Sir.)

He wants to smile, but his muscles are too numb for that. Bloody snow. He nods again and stands up. A tickling, burning feeling floods his veins, like hot poison. But he stands still and waits till it is gone. He removes the sheet from his shoulders and hands it over to Armin, who gets bright eyes.

"Aber Kommandant sind Sie sich sicher-?"

(But Commander are you sure-?")

His eyes get smaller and the young soldier rejects immediately.

"I thank you Commander," Armin answers shakily and takes the sheet carefully into his hands like a newborn baby. Erwin doesn't reply but goes slowly back to their shelter which is nothing more than a bombed house in which one apartment is not completely torn into pieces. There is no one and he wonders why. It seems not long time ago someone was here because there is still hot water in the can over the oven. Erwin holds his hands over it.

_They did not talk . Levi was staring the whole way at his feet and Erwin couldn't find any words that would fit this situation. Not after this month. So much had changed. Nothing was anymore as it had been and to understand this, was quite hard. _

_It had snown the night. He hated Berlin in Winter. It was always that damn cold. Hopefully the train would not get stuck. The snow sighed under their feet like paper that you smashed in your hand. He was tired. He hadn't slept at all the last three day, spending as much time with Levi as he could, before he had to go. And it was even Erwin's idea. But it had to be. Levi couldn't stay here anymore. Not after this November._

_Levi must go._

_At the entrance both men stood still for a moment._

StrangelyErwinhas to smile. Although there is no reason to. They are in Stalingrad, there is no way they will win this bloody war, he and his soldiers will die not because a poor Russian man with no shoes or something to eat will try to kill them no, because of this bloody cold that is everywhere and never seems to vanish they will die. As easy as that. He sighs deeply and for a second he thinks about taking his gun and shoot himself. As easy as that. He got that sentence from Levi.

When Erwin had said that it was unfair Levi couldn't go to Univeristy anymore, the young man had shrugged and meant: "Well I am a Jew. I am not allowed to go. As easy as that."

When Levi wasn't allowed anymore to go into the parks, when he wasn't allowed anymore to go shopping, when he wasn't allowed anymore to go to hospital, when he wasn't allowed anymore to have his pet cat Nocturna.

When everything a normal human being was allowed to do was prohibited for Levi.

And Levi just stood there and said: As easy as that. Never complaining.

Probably because he couldn't understand. Or mostly he didn't _want _ to understand. Erwin shakes his head again.

As if he had been any better. As if he had understood any of this.

But then November came.

And like a bomb it had blasted and it was like a slap in their face. There was no way Levi could stay. Not if people like rabid dogs, their spit dripping down their grinning lips, dance like witches with the devil, laugh while destroying stores, dragging people out, hitting them, killing them, burning them.

In that moment Erwin had known that Germany had found its path.

And its path was the path to hell.

On that day Levi had been out looking for the bookshop that belonged to his family and when the raging mob started Erwin had felt as if someone stabbed him deeply in his chest. Fear fell like water down on his body bathed his skin in cold sweat.

He found Levi, near to the bookshop that had belonged to Levi's aunt, till it was burnt down that night. The only thing the younger man managed to say was that he was glad his aunt was long dead by now. That neither she nor his parents had to see anything of this.

And Erwin just stood there a strange sickness tightened his chest as he realised that Levi had to go.

And that Erwin would never see him again.

"_What is that?," Levi sat in front of him. Still some scratches from that night on cheek and neck, the arm blue. SS-Idiots had pushed him on the ground. And he stared at Erwin with these grey eyes, Erwin knew so well and long. For ten years they had known each other._

_And now everything was over._

_The blond one sighed deeply. And he had never sighed like that. And when his blue eyes detected Levi, his small figure, his skinny body, he could not believe what he was going to do._

_Like trash he threw the tickets on the table. And there they lay like rotten flesh no one wanted to touch or even look at. There was a moment of silence where no one spoke and the noise of the cars drowned and the rushing of the leafless trees silenced, even the cracking cold had shut its mouth._

_And then Levi asked again._

"_What is that?", although he knew. Levi wasn't stupid. He never was. Always the best in Gymnasium, the best during their study._

_Again silence. But this time it wasn't empty silence. The cracking cold sang again, the cars drove again, there were children laughing, the trees muttered softly, the wind sighed. _

_Slowly Levi stood up. But before he could go, Erwin had taken his wrist tightly._

"_Levi," he said. "Listen-"_

"_I am not going."_

_Erwin looked up._

"_You must."_

"_Stop this nonsense. I am not going. What on earth shall I do in Warshaw?"_

_The blond one breathed in and out._

"_You once told me you have family there."_

_Levi chuckled._

"_Yeah, I have a uncle there whose name I can't even recall. Great. And with him you think I am going to live with? I haven't seen him for ten years. I don't even speak polish-"_

"_Please," Erwin begged. He sounded like a wounded animal as he spoke and he felt as Levi's whole body flinched._

"_I won't go, Erwin. This is my home-"_

"_Not anymore!," he stood now, tall as he was he looked down on Levi. His hand still around the younger one's wrist._

The sound of granates smashing ground rips him from his daydream and he turns around. Suddenly screams fill the air. Erwin's eye widen. What is going on? He looks at his hands, a little bit red from the hot water. His blue eyes looking for a gun in this room, he has left his own for Armin. There lies an old thing, probably stolen from a Russian, but he takes it anyway.

More and more screams fill the air, more and more whistling granates fall and smash.

The Russians attack.

A moment he stands still, holding his gun tight against his chest. He closes his eyes.

"_And you think in Poland we get better treated? Erwin it doesn't matter, being a Jew means being fucked up. For God's sake! It is just a a little phase. Soon they all will calm down, believe me-"_

"_They won't! They burnt your store! And they would have burnt you too, if they had had the chance to!"_

"_And what is with you?"_

He chuckles slightly. Yeah, what is with him? He is Commander of poor little boys, children, sending them to death. That is with him. He bites his lips as there are tears coming.

He should have gone with Levi.

But now it is too late. And he can't do anything else than silently apologize for his decision.

He breathes and counts to ten. Then he runs out seeing his soldiers fighting for their lives, their eyes wide and frightened, their hands shaking as they try to pull the trigger, unable to cry for their tears would immediately freeze.

Erwin thinks about what a strange picture it is. It looks so weird, as if not from this it isn't. Nothing here seems to be from this world. From a known world. This world is different.

This is hell.

Nothing else.

And he is in.

He is in hell.

He dodges as again a granate flies and lands not far away from him. They must retreat. This makes no sense. It is early in the morning. His men are tired from the cold, their clothes too big for their skinny bodies. They can't fight. Not now.

He opens his mouth.

"RETREAT!," he screams to the fighting men, still kneeling on the snow. He has to stand up. But he remains in his position.

"RETREAT!," he yells again.

He sees Armin turning his head, staring at him with tired blue eyes, a wound on his forehead, his face almost black from the blood. And then he hears Armin screaming as well : "RETREAT!" And heads turn, and the shouting voice of Eren and Guenter fill the air.

Erwin sits there on the snow. He knows he has to stand up. But he doesn't.

There is a voice in his head, a voice he knows well. Very well. And he can't stop it. He doesn't want this voice to stop and he is somehow afraid that if he moves, it will stop. It will stop existing.

And because of this voice he doesn't hear the granate, this whistling sound.

He doesn't feel the pain as the explosion smashes his right arm .

He doesn't hear the desperate screams of Armin calling his name over and over again.

He doesn't hear the Russians chasing his men.

He just lies in the snow and waits for death.

Still this voice in his head. What did Levi like to sing sometimes?

What was it again?

_Schlof main fegele_

_Mach zu dein Egele_

_Lailululu_

_Schlof geschmack mein Kind_

_Schlof and sei gesindt_

_Lailululu_

_shlof un cholem zis fun der velt genis,.  
Kol z'man du bist yung, kenst du shlofen gring, lachen fun altzding, _

_Lailulu_

Something like that, didn't he? He can't breath suddenly. He blinks and looks at the sky reminding him of Levi's grey eyes.

He feels like back when the war had started. When they have occupied Poland and he had begged every day that Levi wasn't there anymore.

And then he had heard of the ghetto in Warshaw. How the people died there like flies.

And how the Jews got killed by the SS.

And he had understood then that Levi was dead. And that Erwin had sent him to death.

And that it all was Erwin's fault.

He blinks again and hopes there truly is a heaven. And that although he doesn't deserve it, he can see Levi just for a moment: to tell him that he was sorry.

He looks at the right. The snow looks pretty with his blood on it. He can see pieces of bones lying around.

And for the last time he looks at the ceiling. And before he closes his eyes he again listens to that voice he knows so well.

But strangely this voice isn't in his head.

It sounds like it is somewhere outside not far from him.

And never he had heard this voice screaming his name that way.

* * *

_Did you like it? Tell me your thoughts!_

_Laila tov ( hebrew means good night)_


	2. schneeweisschen und rosenrot

Schneeweisschen und Rosenrot is a German fairytale about two girls called after the two roses one white (→ Schneeweisschen → snowwhite) and the other red (→ Rosenrot → Rosered)

Hello guys ^^, here the second part of my little Levi x Erwin story Abendlied

Hope you like it. I don't know if you understand everything if you haven't read the first part ^^

Oh my god I truly listen now more than four hours to Vivaldi Celliconcert?

.

Okay I am weird, XD, but I need music to write, you too?

Anyway, I wrote the dialouge first in German and then translated it. I guess it was easier for me somehow.

And please tell me all the mistakes and failures and what so ever here in this story.

English is **not** my mothertongue!

Also...be prepared for rather OOC Erwin and Levi XD

Sorry ._.

have cookies my lovelies!

It is the sixth time his interrogater hits him. The tase of blood almost drives him insane. It is everywhere. Dripping from his nose into his mouth, dripping from his gum on his tongue, make his stomach twist and turn like a snake hunted by sharp pikes. But he remains silent.

It rains. Like drums the drops fall on the roof of their shelter being nothing more than a small wooden barn, a cage where the wind howls through as if it pities the dead. He can still hear screams outside, footsteps in the snow, rough, whispered Russian and desperate crying. It disturbs him the most. This crying. He wishes it would stop.

His interviewer sighs. Although awfully thin he still is handsome in a way. Blond hair, blue eyes...he reminds the Corporal a little bit of Armin.

"Sie machen es mir nicht einfach, Bastard. Sagen Sie mir wo die Waffenkammer ist."

**(You don't make it easy, Bastard. Where is the gun room?)**

If he wasn't that tired he would laugh. This man, this Russian has more self-control than every man he knows. Besides one. This behaviour reminds him of Levi. Yes, just like Levi. Adressing someone formally with "Sie" ( a german way to call people older than you in a polite way) and at the same time ending this sentence with Bastard. He almost smiles. It is a bizarre thing to do. Truly, it is.

The Russian lights a cigarette but to Erwin's surprise doesn't smoke it. Instead he hands it into the Corporal's left hand. The crying gets louder. His blue eyes stare at the glimming butt. And he realises his choppy breathing. And that the cigarette is strangely blurred.

And this disturbing sound of sobbing and crying gets louder and louder.

And he recognizes this crying. He recognizes _his_ crying.

The two man look at each other in silence. Embaressement fills his throat. Not because he cries like a little child. Because this man pities him. Because this man is a Russian. Because this man is nice to him. To him, a German Corporal, a German Bastard who gave order to kill his friends. Who is in his, the Russian's country and destroys it for no reason. Who beats his father to death, rape his wife and shoots his children, yet this young man in front of him tries to sooth him in a strange kind of way. Erwin tries to calm down and take a pull on the cigarette with a shaky hand as if his life depends on it. God, he is tired.

The silence gets heavier. Like a cloak it lays upon him and the Russian soldier who scrubs Erwin's dry blood from his knuckles. He seems to have given up asking the Corporal. The German wishes he could speak. But he is sure he will burst into tears again and also that there will be nothing leaving his lips. He has no clue why it would be like that. He watches his interviewer a little bit more curious. He had no accent when he talked, was he originally German? He wants to ask. Instead he again takes a pull on his cigarette. White smoke flies like powder through the air and warms the Corporal from the inside. It is so bloody cold. He hands it back to the young man, but he shakes his head. So Erwin puts it off.

At this very moment it knocks. Both Erwin and the Russian turn around and the Corporal is sure that both of their hearts skipped for this very second. The not really existing door opens screaming like in pain. A skeletton appears in a green Officer-uniform. The face and hands shine white as snow, a green hat on the black hair. Erwin sees his interviewer gulp badly. As if he was afraid of his Officer. In the shadow of the barn the German can't see the officer's face. He seems to be rather small. That is all he gets. And out of nowhere a new feeling pumps through his veins and it replaces his blood, his cells, everything inside of him.

_Guilt._

The officer slowly comes into the light. The grey eyes now dark are staring at the young soldier.

Again silence. But not heavy, not calm. This silence is louder and it bursts like a canon bomb. It is like a slap in the face, like a grand wave coming nearer and nearer and you do nothing than standing at the edge expecting it with open mouth and crying eyes. As if you were bound, caged, with no possibility of escape.

Erwin breaths out.

It is Levi.

The Officer is Levi.

And at the same time the German is sure that this man who stares at his subordinate with so emotionless eyes can't be the same man he had spent his youth with.

Finally the silence gets broken by a small nodd of Levi to the door and his young Russian soldier leaves without a word. At the door he gives Erwin one last glare and it looks like he wants to say: Be careful. The Corporal blinks and the young Russian vanishes through the screaming door.

Before the German can do a move Levi grabs him and pulls him up, smashing him against the wall and before Erwin understands what happens a cold gun touches almost gently his forehead.

They stare at each other, one's eyes filled with despite the others with disbelief and fear.

If hell is like this?, Erwin asks himself. Are you confronted with all the failures of your life, confronted with all your sins? And there is nothing you can do than endure. Until the end of internity.

And now he faces the worst of all his sins. And he is speechless. His tongue seems to be swollen by blood, guilt and fear. In his head he catches words, phrases but the moment he tries to grab them they vanish in the dark.

"Wo ist die Waffenkammer?"

**(Where is the gun room?)**

Levi's voice though low like dead leaves almost crashes Erwin's eardrums.

The Corporal remains silent. The jewish Officer narrows slightly and then grabs Erwin's right arm nothing else now than a bloody stump. He screams his life out of his lungs as the sudden pain seems to tear him apart. God, he screams but the Officer does not stop, looking almost indifferent at the Corporal and Erwin understands that there is nothing left of Levi. Nothing than hate and despite.

For Levi he is a German Corporal belonging to the people who murders Levi's kind, torture them, eat the flesh of their children. Oh yes, the Germans are death closest friends.

And Levi is a Russian Officer. Commander of boys and old men, nothing to eat, ripped from their family, traumatised. And Levi himself. A jew and Erwin does not want to know what his former friend had to go through. Even devil himself would pity him.

The Russian officer stops his torture for a second and although the pain still stirrs in his body like a acid eating him from the inside, the immediate ache calms. His head rolls down even with this cold weapon on his forehead.

For a moment there is just his loud breathing. Levi seems to wait for an answer. But not yet. Pain, guilt and fear. Everything floods in him. He can't speak. He is silent.

The younger Officer hits him with the stuck of the gun in the face. Blood splashes from his nose and cheek like a sparkling fountain making almost the same gurgling sound. He chokes. Like thick water the blood drops down his chin soaking his uniform. He wants to vomit.

"Wo ist die Waffenkammer."

**(where is the gun room?)**

He shakes his head. Everything whirls and twists. He can't have one clear thought. God, he thinks. What is happening? Then a hand grabs his chin and forces him to look into Levi's eyes.

But he can't anymore. He falls on the floor again and Levi right with him. He expects another hit but the Officer just stares at him.

"Du weißt nicht wo sie-?"

**(You don't where-?)**

"Wardum isch Levschi?"

**(Why me Levi?)**

He sounds almost incomprehensible because of the blood in his mouth. But the Officer understands.

He doesn't answer but put the gun again on his forehead.

"Also weißt du nicht wo sie ist? Dann-"

**(You don't know where it is? Well then-)**

"Levi."

He doesn't say please. Everything here is wrong. That can't be. They studied together. They lived together. They were like siblings, spending hours and hours together. And now? Now he gets threatened by his best friend in this bloody war, somewhere in Russia were none of them ever wanted to be. This is just a fucking nightmare and everything he has to do is to wake up at home, Jablonskistrasse 34, right next to the Alex.

God, he thinks. Why do you torture me?

The moment he has this thought he widens his eyes in horror. And guilt laughs in the depth of his being. He detects Levi again.

Everything: this slenderness, the dead eyes, the shining skin reminding of a water corpse.

All of this.

Is because of him.

Because of _his _decision.

Because _he_ had sent Levi into living hell.

And there is no excuse. No redemption.

"Erwin?", Levi replies. It is silent. No wind is howling, no footsteps on the cracking ice, no whispered Russian. Nothing.

To the German's surprise Levi is the one who goes on talking, pressing the gun more and more against Erwin's forehead. It is a plain question, almost rhetorical.

"Liebst du deine Soldaten, Korporal?"

**(You love your soldiers, Corporal?)**

The older one nods tired.

"Bist Du dir sicher? Weil je länger du Dich weigerst zu kooperieren, desto größer wird die Wahrscheinlichkeit, dass ihr Dahinscheiden dem eines Juden grausam ähnlich sein wird. Und Du weißt, was Ihr mit den Juden macht nicht wahr?"

**(Are you sure, you love them? Because the longer you don't cooperate the bigger the chance of your soldiers dying like Jews. And you know what you do with Jews, isn't?)**

Erwin starts to shake. The jewish Officer lays his head on the right and watches him. Curious or angry he has no idea, Levi's eyes are as emotionless as the eyes of a corpse.

"Weißt Du wie oft ich mir schon vorgestellt habe, dich zu töten?"

**(You know how often I dreamt about killing you?)**

Erwin wishes he wouldn't talk at all, he wishes Levi is silent, he doesn't want to know...he doesn't want to know...

"Jedes Mal wenn Tod mich schon umarmte, befreite ich mich mit dem Gedanken dich zu finden. Dass ich diese ganze Scheiße hier übelebe und nach Berlin fahren und dich dann finden würde. Ich würde vor deiner Haustür stehen und ich würde dich abknallen genau wie sie es mit meiner Familie taten. Ich muss Dir eigentlich danken. Der Gedanke an deinen Tod hielt mich am Leben."

**(Every time death embraced me I freed myself by thinking of your death. That I will survive this shit here and come to Berlin where I would shoot you down just like the Germans did with my family. I must thank you. Your dead face helped me to live on.)**

"Dann töte mich."

**(Then kill me.)**

Levi shakes his head.

"Noch nicht. Ich muss die Waffenkammer finden, meine Jungs teilen sich im Moment pro drei Leute eine Waffe. Wenn wir es nach Frankreich schaffen wollen, brauchen wir mehr Waffen. Das verstehst Du doch, oder?"

**(Not yet. I have to find the gun room. My boys share one weapon for three men. With that we never reach France. You get that don't you?)**

"Ich dachte in Polen wärst Du sicher, **(I thought you are safe in Poland)," **he answers dry, still blood dripping into his mouth but he swallows it down.

Levi leans back and lights himself a cigarette. He breaths the white smoke directly into the Corporal's face. Erwin doesn't blink but presses his lips to a thin line.

"Ich habe mich oft gefragt ob du es wusstest. Glaub mir die ersten Wochen war ich naiv genug zu denken, dass du es nur gut mit mir meintest. Aber im Endeffekt ist es egal. Du erwartest doch nicht ernsthaft Vergebung?"

**(I often questioned if you actually knew what was going on. Believe me the first weeks I was truly naive enough to think you meant it well with me. But in the end it doesn't matter. You don't expect forgiveness, don't you?)**

What shall he answer? Maybe deep inside he expected forgiveness? What was he? An idiotic bastard seeking forgiveness by the one he sent to hell?

He breaths in and out again. God this smell of blood will kill him one day. He has the horrific sense of blood also dripping down his stump.

"Was passiert mit meinen Soldaten wenn ich kooperie?"

**(What will happen to my soldiers if I cooperate?)**

"Ich lasse sie auf der Stelle hinrichten."

**(I will let them be executed right away.)**

It sounds insane in his ears. But what did he think again? Either they will slowly die in a Gulag or right now.

A sour feeling pulverizes his throat and an ugly cough leaves his lips. As he talks he sounds like his father on his deathbed.

"Kann ich sie sehen?"

**(Can I see them?)**

Levi looks at him.

"Jetzt?"

**(now?)**

Erwin shakes his head.

"Wenn sie erschossen werden."

**(When they are going to be executed.)**

Like a puppet made of wood after its show when its player lets go of it, it seems for a second Levi's body collaps. But maybe also Erwin imagines it.

"Bischt Du vielleicht meschugge?"

**(Are you mad? Meschugge is yiddish for mad)**

Or maybe the Corporal didn't imagine it. Levi seems confused and talks only in yiddish when he is nervous.

A sudden scream clings in their ears. The Officer stands up.

And truly: Never in his whole life Erwin saw Levi that horrified.

A rather quick ending but I just...aahhh, maaan, this whole thing here took a while.

Hope you liked it.

See you in the next chapter ;-)

Until then

Bye!

was is okay to read? Tell me your thoughts


	3. Erinnerung

Good evening folks!

To be honest, this chapter was damn hard and the moment I am writing this down it isn't even finished and in fact it is the third try.

No idea why, not that I don't know have ideas. But to structure, to order, to finally bring it on white computerpaper. Not easy, not easy.

By the way, I truly ask myself if anyone reads what I am writing in the beginning.

And to all you folks who favourite but don't comment. I appreciate your favourite very, very much. But I have no real idea what they really mean. Does it mean I should continue this story as it is? Shall I improve?

Comments are also for you guys. If you like something and you write it down or if you don't like something and you write it down. IN the end the story will be better, seriously.

Enough for now. Maybe I have also the problem that my stories are not the one you comment, for any reasons...

Ps: I translated Erwin's aftername into the German version → Schmitt

_Actually not long after he had become Corporal Erwin and his company found a village. There was nothing left of it. Nothing than the smell of burnt flesh and wood. _

_Nothing than the smell of death._

_He was glad the corpses were buried under a little hill. _

_Nervertheless he couldn't sleep for more than 9 days._

It is bitterly cold. He has followed Levi outside and though their shelter being nothing more than wood put together has given him a feeling of warmth. Then outside where the wind howls and giggles and tickles and cuts him with its burning hands: cold welcomes him again.

An almost grotesque picture appears in front of him. A group of skelettons in green uniforms, stand in a circle. They do not move. Still they stand like frozen figures, reminding the German of tall, thin memorials. He turns his head at Levi who is suddenly again emotionless, the bony face blank. Slowly he walks to the circle, Erwin watches him.

Crying.

There it is again.

Someone cries.

It seems it comes from the circle.

Pity sits on Erwin's tongue: it dries his mouth, dries his blood, stops his slow heart in beating. He hates this crying, oh god, he despises it. Not the men who weep, oh God forbid no.

But crying means fear.

Fear means being _vulnerable_.

Being _vulnerable _means death.

It means giving up.

And there is nothing Erwin hates more than giving up. To not fight, but to wait for inevitable to happen.

He watches Levi's skinny figure situating himself right next to one of the soldiers in the circle. Now he is also a memorial, still and cold.

Erwin feels numb. Like waking up and not to know where and when you are. This moment between awake and asleep where you don't know what to wish for: dreaming or follow the path of life.

It feels like eternity these soldiers stand there.

But then it breaks, like a flock of birds together in one picture suddenly blast on the sky. Only one memorial stays, but it is changed. Not tall anymore, but simply small and in the bitterly snow.

It is Levi, holding a young, crying man. For a second Erwin's eyes detect only this, this picture. And then his blue eyes move on, walking on the snow.

A body lays there on the cold, soft powder. Tiny this body is. So fragile reminding you of a snowflake melting in your holding hands.

It is the corpse of a child.

"_Herr Korporal?," Armin asked softly. It was the seventh night after the village. He sat by a small fire, watching the dark sky. There was a slight sense of blue. The sun was rising. He did not respond to his soldier's question that wasn't much more than a salutation. Armin sat next to him, not close of course, but still...he sat next to him. The Corporal could smell the scent of burnt wood from the fire. It gave him a slight shudder. _

"_Fragen Sie sich nicht manchmal-"_

_(Don't you ask yourself-)_

"_Es gibt keine Fragen, Armin. Das weißt du."_

_(There are no questions, Armin. You know that.)_

_The two men watched the red ball slowly rising, listened to the whistling wind, the cracking of the fire._

_As Armin spoke again, his voice was deeper, raspy. He sounded old._

"_Fühlen Sie nichts, Korporal?"_

_(Don't you feel anything, Corporal?)_

_Again he did not answer. What should he respond to such a question? He felt numb and also...empty._

_Armin chuckled softly._

"_Ich weiß, dass Sie fühlen, Korporal."_

_(I know you feel, Corporal) _

_Erwin turned to the young boy, confused and reliefed at the same time. The young soldier smiled tired. _

"_Sie sind nicht der Einzige mit Schlafproblemen."_

_(You are not the only one who can't sleep.)_

Levi lifts the crying comrade and the German sees the jew moving his lips. He asks himself what words the officer whispers to the weeping man. He has no idea what he would say.

As the officer wants to move backward, away from the corpse, the crying turns into desperate screaming, again. Levi struggles with his subordinate, pulling him back, but how should a skeletton try to pull or push when there is no muscle, no flesh?

He realises his action as he lays his left arm around the skinny waist and pulls slowly. Schocked by the sudden touch the soldier calms for a moment before he pushes and screams and yells, but Erwin stays.

Finally Levi grabs the soldier's face forcing him to look only into his officer's grey eyes.

"Sasha, schau mich an."

Erwin's stomach just makes a turn. Levi speaks German? And he recognizes the blond hair, the tall, tiny figure. The soldier is his interrogator. The Corporal detects Levi's tired face, trying to sooth his soldier. Maybe.

"Sasha" stares at his officer, the blue eyes frightened, scared.

And then Levi says something Erwin won't forget.

"Ich lass dich nicht los."

(I'll never let you go)

_He met Levi in Gymnasium 1929. He was just 14 years old. _

_They had the same way home, well until the Alexanderplatz where Erwin lived nearby but Levi always took the subway then to his home that was Hakesche Höfe. At the beginning they ignored each other, but after a while they walked on the same pavement and at the end of the 8th grade they even started to talk to each other._

_He remembers a dinner with Levi and his parents actually four years later. It was the year 1934 and God, he and Levi were nervous like little girls on their first date. But to be honest: it was really nice and quiet and not one word fell about that Levi was in fact a Jew._

_But later when he was laying in his bed alone, almost asleep, his father came. And this was truly...strange, for Erwin could not remember one moment of his father standing at his door. They rarely even spoke to each other- well both were not talkative. He still sees his father standing in the door most awkwardly as if he had absolutely no idea why he was where he was. _

_Then the older Schmitt closed the door silently and came near. Still Erwin was not nervous. He detected his father curiously. He never had the time to watch him that intensively. He recognized some scars on his father's face, wrinkles, that the had the same form of the eyes and that he and Erwin had the same large hands. The older Schmitt took his pipe out and and holded it in his old hands. It was a nice pipe, small, made out of fir wood. Erwin liked it. Everytime he saw a similar pipe he thought of his father. Something that has never changed. _

_His father looked at the pipe rolling it from one hand to the other, careful, as if it was a porcelan doll. It seemed he wanted to say something but did not have the words yet. Erwin waited. He was patient, something Levi once said he really appreciated about him. And so he waited and watched. _

_There was a long while silence in which just the soft sound of rolling wood filled the room. It made Erwin sleepy. _

"_Weißt du eijentlich wo ick die herhab?"_

_(Do you know where I got this from?)_

_The young man blinked and shook honestly his head. His father sighed deeply, walked to Erwin's desk and sat down on the chair. It cracked under his father's weight as if it was about to break the very moment. They looked at each other. _

_His old man looked tired. Very tired._

_Again a deep breath from the older Schmitt._

"_Die hab ick im Kriej jekriejt."_

_(I got it in war)_

_Suddenly Erwin was awake as if someone had woke him up with a bucket of cold water pouring over his head. Never in his whole life his father had talked about his time in the Great war. Never. But there he sat, and he never had looked that old and tired for Erwin as there on this little chair. The blue eyes of his father detected again the pipe._

"_Ick hab sie jeschenkt jekriejt."_

_(I got it as a present)_

"_Von wem?," Erwin asked._

_(By whom?)_

_Oh, he thought. Why was I talking? He wanted to apologize as he saw his father's face. _

_He was smiling. Okay, now Erwin was ….not concerned, more...confused. His father did not smile, mostly. And his father also wasn't sitting on the chair of his son's room._

_Why was the older Schmitt acting so...odd?_

_The smile grew. _

"_Von einem guten Freund, Erwin. Den besten den man sich nur wünschen kann."_

_(By a good friend, Erwin. The best friend you can have.)_

_Strangely the young man did not want to listen anymore, a nasty feeling sat in his chest and made it hard to breath. Something wasn't right, somehow._

"_Was ist mit ihm passiert?"_

_(What happened to him?)_

_God! Erwin hated his curious tongue making him appear like a little child and not a 18 years old man._

_The smile vanished._

"_Er war Jude, Erwin."_

_(He was a Jew, Erwin)_

_Silence._

_The nasty feeling grew, it bit him from the inside and a sudden chill made him shudder._

_The eyes of his father became dark and dark wrinkles were digged in his face._

"_Der Kaiser wollte wissen wie viele Juden für ihr Vaterland kämpften. Und in mitten der Nacht weckte man sie auf und sie mussten in der Kälte stehen und warten und ihre Toten aufzählen, die auch Juden waren. Nach dreitägigem Kämpfen. Gott sie waren müde."_

_(The Kaiser wanted to know how many of the Jews were actually fighting for their country. And in the middle of the night one woke them up and they had to stand in the cold and to wait and to say their names and the name of their dead jewish brothers. After three days of battling. God, they were tired.)_

_No, Erwin thought. I don't want to know...but he was frozen on his bed in this very position. He shivered slightly, imagining the tiredness of the soldiers, their yet dead faces from too many sleepless nights and too less days of joy. Standing thin in the cold, waiting to say their name, their grade and to recall the dead jewish brothers laying in the black earth. Even while defending their fatherland, giving their blood to the Kaiser and still..._

_There was no trust._

_No acceptance._

_His father shook his head._

"_Am nächsten morgen stellte man sie in die erste Reihe."_

_(On the next morning they were put into the first line.)_

_Erwin stared at the older Schmitt with no expression on his old face._

"_I prayed to God that he would survive. But on this morning the French were merciless."_

_A sudden sound of canon balls smashed Erwin's ear like the roar of a lion. His heart beated fast. He was afraid._

_His father was silent now. The blue eyes fixed on the little pipe._

"_Er ist erbärmlich gestorben Erwin. Nicht einmal das war ihm erspart geblieben. Es hat lange gedauert bis er gestorben ist. Bestimmt eine Stunde."_

_(He died a pitiful death, Erwin. Not even that he was pared from. It took a while till he was dead. At least an hour.)_

_And now Erwin realised that the old man looked now at his hands and he knew why. His father was again a soldier, staring at his fingers that were soaked in his comrade's blood._

"_He begged me to kill him. I couldn't. I was a coward. I tried to sooth him. You know what I said? I will never let you go. Never."_

_His father laughed._

"_As if this had helped in any way."_

_Erwin stared at his father._

"_What was his name?"_

_Blue eyes looked at him._

"_Levi. That was his name."_

You like it?

Tell me your thoughts!

Gute Nacht

Good Night

und schlaft gut

And sleep well


End file.
